Heads and Tails
by Yemi Hikari
Summary: AU... This is a fanfic making humor about the Draco/Hermione fanfics that use the Head dorms and Head positions to get together. That was one of my favorite cliques when done right. Well... sort of as it is actually satirizing the clique more then anything.
1. Prolog: A Head Start

_Disclaimer - I don't own Harry Potter. This is me making fun of one of my favorite ships and one of the favorite ways to get them together. I debated… do I get them together as friends, or something more… for this I've decided friends. And since this is AU, Dumbledore is alive. Please enjoy and have a good laugh._

_1-14-2013 – This is one of my first attempts at Crack Fic. It was started long before I came to understand the ins and outs of the genre. _

_**A Head Start  
Or  
The Asking of How it Started**_

Professor McGonagall was told by Dumbledore to go and check on the status of the two heads of the house. She had been quite not understanding of how he could have chosen the two that he had, but she only put in a few words and hadn't argued the point. Putting those two into the head dorms was sure to cause chaos and destruction, much to the displeasure of everyone involved.

She stepped into the Head dorm and her eyes bulged out. Destruction was everywhere… it would take one good mending spell, though as she narrowed her eyes, at least one of them would be able to pull of the proper mending spell to clean the mess. She had been told by Dumbledore that the two were to have their punishments doled out by Professor Sprout.

The idea had probably had been that the idea was that she was from neither of the students houses. But McGonagall figured the house head would want to get their hands on their miscreant student, as would she, because she had a very big idea that this would be the most embarrassing head situation in the integrity of the school. She saw the two exhausted and slumped on some of the furniture.

"Alright you two, I want the two of you to clean up this mess!" Professor McGonagall said. "And then… you are both to report to Professor Sprout's office."


	2. She's Ahead

**She's Ahead**

Hermione looked at herself in the mirror before she grabbed her suitcase to head for the train. She wasn't looking at her looks. It wasn't that she wasn't pretty; it was just that Hermione wasn't very vain about what she looked like. Though she sometimes thought about toning down her looks somewhat because as of Christmas her fourth year in school more boys began to notice her and were constantly bothering her when she tried to study. And Ron wasn't one of them. What had her interest was that she had her Head Badge positioned just right.

Hermione then picked up a letter from Ron. He hadn't written her about anything except about how much he was taking a fancy to Lavender Brown. Leave it to Ron to pay attention to a girl who would flaunt her looks to the entire world. Hopefully the boy would come to his senses and actually look beyond looks. Then again, Ron had always focused on looks and brawn, emphasized with the fact he couldn't stop talking about Quiditch. What disappointed Hermione most was that Ron hadn't written her about becoming Head Boy. She'd written him many times about it over the summer.

A smile came on her face. The Heads got to have their own dorm. Percy hadn't stopped talking about it when he was Head. Mostly it was that it was so quiet for studying, something he emphasized to Hermione and bragged to her that she was most likely to become Head her seventh and very much enjoy it. Fred and George had teased him about shagging Penelope Clearwater in the room and Percy had turned red. While she didn't care much for Percy, she did care much about the concept that this might be the chance for her to get together with Ron.

Her mother called from downstairs and she hurried downstairs. Her mother was packing a snack for her journey on the trip. Her mother turned and smiled at her, completely happy. "So, do you really think you'll be able to get together with the Head Boy?"

"Mother!" Hermione paled. She had forgotten that she had talked to her mother about how the Heads shared a dorm. Her mother had obviously gotten the idea that she had a crush on the guy who was to be Head without mentioning his name.

"I am so glad that you've gotten over that crush on that Ron boy." Hermione paled even further.

"What do you mean?" Hermione wasn't happy where this was going.

"Well, from what you've told me, he really isn't that much of Head material. I'm surprised he even made Perfect. Should have been that Harry friend of yours. He sounds more like he's got a head on his shoulders then the other one. Maybe he's Head?"

"No, Harry's not Head Boy. He would have owled me the exact same day, would he not have?" Hermione stated. That would have been what Harry would have done.

"Oh, well, that's true. Your father and I ... we made a trip to Diagon Alley."

"Whatever for?" Hermione stated.

"Well, we wanted a sweet present for you. You're only allowed on pet at Hogwarts though, so we'll keep her here and use her to send letters to you. It took awhile to explain to that silly bartender why Muggles like us were trying to get into that place. Same with those Goblins. They wanted to put some memory charm on us. Anyways, she's a Ptilopsis granti., or a Southern White-faced Scops,"

Hermione's mother pulled a cover off of a huge cage that she had hidden under a sheet. Hermione had thought the sheet had been there because her parents were remodeling the kitchen, but in fact, they had installed a beautiful owl cage that was five feet each direction. Hermione's mother winked at her. "We even had them arrange for us to have Muggle papers done up for her in case they ever came to inspect.

In the cage was a beautiful grey owl. Hermione noticed a small silver owl cage used for transporting. She was startled to hear her mother continue. "That's for later, once you move out, though we'll have the bigger cage installed in your apartment for Emory. Oh, and watch this."

Her mother opened the door and Hermione watched as Crookshanks ran into the cage and jumped up to great the owl. She could hear her cat purring. Hermione's mother continued to talk. "We were so pleased to find that Crookshanks got along so well with Emory. Sweetie, this means I can owl you about how well it is going with that boy."

Hermione paled some more. What would her mother say if she found out that the Head boy actually was Ron. That would disappoint her mother immensely. Her mother grabbed the small owl cage. "Come Emory, we must see our darling Hermione off on her last year. Her father couldn't make it as our next door neighbor just happened to hit his head in a way that knocked out a few teeth. I'm sure you understand Hermione?"

Hermione just nodded her head. "It is alright that I go alone. Why not instead send Emory to meet me there and that way I can send a reply back tonight."

"Hmm ... alright. I understand that you don't want me there when you greet the boy, so I'll respect that. I hope it goes well dear."

Hermione nodded her head. "_I hope it goes well too._"

* * *

_Author's note - I originally started this as a one-shot meant to make fun of one of my favorite ships and one of my favorite cliques on how to get them together. This was the original chapter and I quickly discovered… a one-shot would not be enough._


	3. He's Not Ahead: He's Daft

**He's Not Ahead **

_**or preferably**_

**He's Daft**

Hermione quickly pulled her baggage towards the platform and went through the wall excited as she did so. She saw Harry, Ginny and Ron chatting about Quiditch, of all things and hurried over. She had a smile on her face. That was, until she saw Ron's badge and her face faulted. Ron was too busy, but Harry noticed that.

"Ron, where's your Head Badge," Hermione stated. From her voice alone one could tell she was upset.

"What do you mean, Mione?" Ron looked at her, a big grin on his face. "There is no way Dumbledore would have made me Head. I mean, I'm not the model student. Oh, look you got to be Head Girl."

Hermione glared at Ron with lividness. "Please tell me he's joking. I sent it in my letter this summer many times!"

Ginny shook her head. "We even told him from the letter's you sent us. He only talks about her."

"And Quiditch," Harry coughed. He winked at Hermione and whispered. "_Even I know there is more to life then Quiditch, girls and looks. The other thing he talks about, but it doesn't count as it is in relation with her._"

"Her? Please. Lavender isn't a _her._ She is a human being and is the most beautiful girl in the school." Ron said this glaring at his sister.

"Yes, we know. She is an Angel from Heaven," Ginny groaned.

"Yes, I'm glad ... hey I don't talk romantic garbage like that. That would make her not pay any attention to me Gin,"

"Whatever ..."

Hermione turned to Harry as the two bickered. "Harry ... please tell me your Head?"

"Well, no. I would have been telling everyone just like you. You mean to tell me that it wasn't sent to you by Dumbledore?"

"No..."

"It wouldn't be Harry. Percy was so frantic his seventh year wanting to know if it was Penelope. I think he forgot she was a year below him." Ginny laughed. She turned to Hermione, still in a funny mood. "Hey, maybe it's Neville."

Harry laughed and Ron groaned. "He's incapable. I would be a better choice."

"Hey," Harry stated aloud."Be nice. Neville is one of the best DA members we have. He just needs one on one."

"Hey ..." Ron grinned. "Maybe that's it. Neville is Head Boy so you can help him with his studies?"

"Please Ron ... Neville would go nuts if he had extra stuff put on. I am going to go find us a spot and go to the car that we're supposed to meet in." Hermione turned with a huff and stormed off, tears in her eyes.

"What's her problem?" Ron stated, causing the others to groan.

* * *

_Author's Note – Yes… I am exaggerating Ron here…_


	4. He's Ahead

**He's Ahead**

Hermione was the first person to appear in the coach. She had been able to hold back the tears but was still in a foul mood. She just sat and stared at the wall. That was why she didn't notice that Pansy Parkinson had come into the room. Pansy had her arms crossed and her nose held high. Her bone thin hands suddenly turned white when she saw Hermione and the Head Badge on her school uniform.

"I should have been Head Girl!' Pansy wailed. She moved her fingers as if to lash out at Hermione but held back. Hermione chose to ignore her. A Slytherin had followed Pansy in an chuckled at Pansy's reaction, but he backed down when she glared at him and hissed in discontent. "You obviously the new fifth year Slytherin boy made Perfect. My boyfriend Draco will make your life miserable if you make fun of me."

Hermione bit back comments about being so snake like. She also had to endure Pansy's talking some more.

"I am so glad Draco wasn't made Head Boy. He would have told me if he had been made it." Pansy had an air of authority. "Obviously Dumbledore has his priorities mixed up."

It was then that Ron came in, only to be assaulted by Pansy's comments. "I see they didn't make the Weasel a Head Boy. I'm surprised. I thought that you two were a couple."

"We aren't a couple," Ron hissed back.

"Well, everyone knows that whoever is thought of to be a good couple is placed into Head position." Pansy batted her eyes. "It should have been Draco and me."

"Not Percy," Ron said laughing.

"Then why isn't he with Penelope Clearwater? She was crying her whole seventh year about it. They broke up the previous year obviously." Pansy smiled.

"So ... Hermione is going to get together with Longbottom?" Ron began to laugh.

"Longbottom as a Head? Are you a moron ... is he though," Pansy became curious a glint in her eye at the prospects of Neville and Hermione begin a couple.

"How should I know."

It was then that a failure silver headed boy joined them. Hermione saw Ron and Pansy pale. Ron's face registered anger. Pansy's registered absolute agony.

"Draky ... I thought you would have told me that you were Head Boy,"

"And I knew that if I told you when obviously you weren't you would go ballistic." A smirk came on his face. "Remember. You're the one who told me that stupid theory about the Heads being couples. I couldn't have you going ballistic ... why are you making such a sour face."

"Because now you'll be going out with her," Pansy grabbed Draco's arm. Draco turned to Ron.

"See you didn't make Head. Bet the ..." Draco himself paled as he saw the badge on Hermione's chest and her glaring at him.

"Draky ... I don't want you to be with her." Pansy was sobbing.

"As if I would ever get together with a Mudblood, let alone Potty and Weasel's friend," Draco scoffed at Ron and Hermione.

Ron raised his wand at Draco, but Hermione pushed it down. "Ron should have been Head, not you."

"What, you two a couple now?" Draco scoffed.

"Bloody hell you Ferret! You're believing that junk now too!" Ron glared at Draco. "You're all just like Luna with your crazy ideas!"

"Loony Lovegood?" Draco scoffed.

"Somebody say my name." Luna beamed at the two boys. All there, including prefects who had come in during the discussion turned to look at Luna. "You two might actually make a good couple."

"I can't believe that's coming out of your mouth Luna!" Ron snapped.

"What's the Loony doing here anyways. Last time I checked, she wasn't a perfect." Draco scoffed at the blond.

"I was told to deliver the letter to the Heads. And ... read it aloud. Someone felt that you two would argue over it, so they're having me tell the duties. How fun." Luna then opened the letter and began to read the instructions to the Perfects, much to Draco's anger and Hermione's relief. The last few had come in and the train started. What was going to be a wonderful year was already turning into a horrible one. Even Luna adding in comments to the letter about Snackles and Clanwichs wouldn't change the fact.

* * *

_Author's note - I originally wasn't going to add Luna in, but I had to have someway to close this chapter. And this was the way I figured I could end the dispute. Oh, and Pansey… she's exaggerated for a reason._


	5. Tail Spin

_Author's note – For those wondering, yes I added chapters… I realized that after I posted what was chapter five before this one, that there was a huge gap between what happened there and what happened in chapter four. For those who came later, apologizes for the little note._

* * *

**Tail Spin**

Hermione then headed to where Ginny and Harry would be waiting for them, before she headed out to patrol the corridors of the train. She was extremely pale, while Ron found himself quite chipper and was going to go and see Lavender, much to Hermione's dismay. She opened the door, to find Neville Longbottom there, meaning that some of the tale of what had happened would be best not repeated. All three looked at her, expecting news about who the Head Boy was.

"Hermione, who… what ever is the matter?" Ginny said with concern in her voice when she saw Hermione's pale face.

"It's who the Head Boy is that is the matter," Hermione stated.

Neville suddenly smiled at her. "What, the Head Boy isn't Crabbe or Goyle?"

Hermione blinked a couple of times at his comment, realizing that he was actually trying to crack a joke to cheer her up. "No… it's worse…"

"Well, this isn't to offend you Hermione, as I know you like Ron…, but what person wouldn't be better at the Head Boy position… he already abuses his perfect position," Neville said, still smiling.

Hermione gave him a small smile, "Well, you'll hear about it sooner or later… the Head Boy is…"

"Come on Hermione… I mean, it couldn't be," Harry said, suddenly pausing short and turning pale himself. "Please tell me it isn't the ferret."

"Can I refuse to say anything about that?" Hermione said, trying to grin about the whole situation.

"Then it is him… Hermione, how are you going to live with him," Neville said. "Expesully with the rumor, whether it is true or not. Gran says not to listen to stuff like that."

"Draco's not the one she has to worry about!" Ginny said, her voice betraying her concern. "She has to watch out for Pansy, as I recall, she was hoping that it would be her and Draco Malfoy! She took it dreadfully, didn't she?"

"You could say that… she was, well, chances are you'll see it later." Hermione said. "I _really_ don't want to talk about the situation at hand."

"What did Ron say about it?" Harry said, wondering how his best friend had treated the subject, and hoping that the Weasly boy had handled it like he should.

"He couldn't figure out why people were saying we should be a couple. He also feels it is just a rumor. Also, he went to see _his_ girlfriend," Hermione stated.

"Lavender…" Neville commented, "She was nice when we first got to school our first year, but then she started changing… she isn't mean per say, but she tends to think of only herself."

"Cough – kind of like someone else – cough," Harry said, trying to make it so that Hermione wouldn't be able to hear him.

"What did you say?" Hermione said, thinking she had made out what he had said.

"Just that seems to be the way that Ron is acting right now and that they both need to grow up," Ginny said.

"Well, I thought I would tell you guys before someone else told you," Hermione said, turning to go out of the room to patrol the train. She heard Neville comment that he was glad that they hadn't heard and hadn't thus been showing a pity party for her, Hermione wouldn't have liked that.

She then headed down the hall way, when she ran into Collin Creavy with his usual equipment and snapped a picture. "Do you think I'd be able to get a picture of you with him Hermione?"

"Collin, please tell me that you actually don't believe all of that," Hermione stated, knowing that the train ride was going to be crazy.

"Well… it would be a strike in the favor of those pure bloods who treat us Muggle born students like dirt," the boy stated, a smile on his face.

"Yes Collin, but it doesn't change the fact that he and I hate each other… if it were two other people…"

"I guess so, but it wouldn't have the same impact, I mean everyone knows who the two of you are,"

"I don't want a gossip column… Rita was bad enough," Hermione groaned.

"I only share with my little brother, and sometimes others… more private stuff, like the time I took a picture of Snape slipping on Filtch's mop water… oops… he told me to never show that one… or was it Filtch slipping on a broken potion bottle from Snape's class because he chased Peeves into the class. It was defiantly Flitch that slipped." Collin said. "Well, I'll see you later Hermione!"

The next shock to Hermione's system came when she came across Ron and Lavender snogging in the hallway. She happened to hear their conversation that they were having while doing it too.

"I am so glad that you weren't Head Boy with her… I mean, it isn't that I believe the rumor and that I have a thing against Granger, but the thought of you hanging out with her in your own dorm room, I couldn't handle,"

"You two need to get a room, that's disgusting and should not be anywhere that a first year could see it!" Hermione said, snapping at the two.

Lavender stopped and turned to the Head Girl, a glare one her face. "Look, truth be told, Ron and I should have been the Heads… I mean, you are such a party pooper. I mean, I was so surprised I wasn't picked to be perfect during fifth year."

"Look, let's go elsewhere… while I don't agree with what she says about it being disgusting and shouldn't be done in front of the first years, obviously we need to find somewhere more private," Ron said, leading Lavender away. "See you later Hermione."

"I was joking about the Head Boy, Head Girl thing!" Lavender called out. "Congrats, that and on scooping Draco!"

"It is just a rumor, and I thought you said you didn't believe it," Ron said.

"I meant if it is true, or turns that way in her luck… actually I do believe that rumor," Lavender commented.

"Not you too… Lavi, if I had been Head Boy instead of him, you and I would still be a couple," Ron said.

"That's because love conquers all," Lavender said, making Hermione gag.

She then continued down the hall and came across a corridor that was open and she had to stop when she saw Draco trying to step out of the train booth that he and his friends had taken over, his two goons, Pansy and Millicent. Trying was the term for it, because Pansy was hanging onto dear life to his arms.

"I don't want that girl to get anywhere near you, Draky!" Pansy sobbed into his ear.

"I've also told you that the rumor isn't true!" Draco said, trying to pull away. 'I've got to go and patrol the hallways, as do you!" He then saw Hermione and paused for a few seconds. "On second thought, I think I'll stay here."

"Thank you! Thank you!" Pansy said as she sobbed as the Malfoy went back in. Hermione shook her head, as this rumor was making everyone nuts.

She decided it was best to patrol in the other direction and then came across Luna chatting with a boy, who was looking at her wide eyed. Hermione noted his colors and saw that he was a Slytherin, in fact, she recognized him a Blaze Zabini from seventh year. She was surprised that he wasn't with Draco and the others, as he had taken to hanging out with them.

He saw Hermione and opened his mouth and mouthed _help me_. Hermione decided to step in to see what was going on. Luna was chatting about some creature or another and was going on and on. Blaze whispered to Hermione so that the pale blond girl couldn't hear him. "I accidently came in here with another bloke, a Ravenclaw… and we started talking about something, I forgot what, and this girl started speaking to us, contradicting what we were discussing… I mean, what we were saying contradicted what the other was saying."

"She's always like this," Hermione stated.

"Good then, I am glad that she isn't some rabid fan girl… I get those a lot because my mum is an actress…" the boy said. "I thought I found the really crazy one. Please, I want out of here… and I don't like being rude… no matter who the person is!"

"Luna… your compartment companion… he needs to go and meet up with some of his other friends… ones that you wouldn't want to hang around, he promised to meet them," Hermione said.

"Oh… I see. Hermione, did you hear about the weird rumor going around… they say that Head Boy and Girl are always a couple… I thought it was couples who were put together under that Willow at the school, I think the Whomping one, and the Snarfins enchant it so that it doesn't smash them, the couple I mean, not the Snarfins."

The boy could only shake his head as he took off, and he went and hurried out the door. Hermione told Luna that she had to continue on her rounds. The girl just nodded her head in her queer little way.


	6. Tail End

_Author's note – For those who have read chapter five already, you may want to go back, as I have moved chapter five up and placed chapters in between it and four. Thank you!_

* * *

**Tail End**

After patrolling the corridors of the train, Hermione wasn't exactly too thrilled with getting to go and see her friends, as they would only try to cheer her up. She purposely went and sat on the last carriage at the end of the long line of the carriages. Each carriage was like the old hansom carriages that used to go around London in the old days, except they had only one entrance on one side.

She got in and crossed her legs, and tried to ignore what was around her, but that was hard to do when Luna popped into the carriage. "Other students are telling me that they're allergic to what ever creature is following me around… but that is impossible."

"Don't pay any attention to them Luna, they are just trying to be mean," Hermione said, trying to not look at the girl.

"Hermione is sad that this rumor is going around, that and she and the red head lion are not dating," Luna commented. "The Muggle born deserves much better then both of them, but the only one I can think of, Harry, is already taken by Ginny, which is good for her."

"Luna… I didn't think you had any interest in dating and gossip," Hermione stated.

"I don't… I just know that when one is blue, Don-don's make one very ill. You don't want to get ill… plus, I think you deserve someone nice, just like my mum and dad deserved each other… still do," Luna stated.

"You just like seeing people happy and carefree. One thing I notice about you is you haven't a problem in the world,"

Luna opened her mouth, but was interrupted by Neville getting in across from them. "Sorry… I managed to lose Ginny and Harry; else they would be here… I think."

"Hello Neville… where is your cactus?" Luna commented.

"Ahh, it has gotten rather big, so I am just going to take care of the ones at the school. I hope Gran doesn't kill it," Neville said, somewhat woeful.

Hermione was right by the door, so she couldn't see who was coming in next, but she heard their muffled voices. All three were shocked when Draco, his two goons, Blaze and Millicent got in all in a rush. Draco was busy calling out to Pansy, "Hurry up slow poke, before the thing leaves."

Crabbe and Goyle purposely sat down on either side of Neville, and made him extremely squished. Both boys grinned and squished him more, causing Neville to turning red in the face from embarrassment. Millicent thought it was great fun and squeezed into the wall space between the three boys and the back, causing Neville to have even less breathing room.

Zabini was trying to decide whether to get out or which of the girls to sit by, as the carriages were soon to be leaving. As he was doing this, Draco turned and suddenly saw Hermione. His face turned red from anger. "Mudblood!"

"Draky, please tell me you didn't purposely choose the one she was in!" Pansy wailed, tears in her eyes.

"We're going to go and find a different carriage," Draco said, moving to get off. The carriage suddenly started to move and Blaze suddenly grabbed the back of his school robes and pulled him backwards onto the seat next to Hermione, while he sat down next to Luna.

"Draky!" Pansy wailed, trying to quickly grab the door, only to suddenly fall into the mud that was in the path way. She became completely covered with the sticky mess and Hermione almost pitied her. That was until Pansy yelled out that she was going to get the filthy Mudblood. They could hear her wailing and following behind as the carriages traveled up to the school.

"It seems that there was a Dromel about," Luna commented, causing laughter to come from the three goons, while Neville chocked out what was supposed to be a reply, but nothing could happen.

"Switch seats with me, now!" Draco hissed and Zabini. Zabini was about to agree, until Luna suddenly pulled her wand out and stuck it into Draco's face, causing him to almost lean into Hermione, but he stopped himself. The look on Blaze's face told Hermione that he thought she had been wrong about Luna being a rabid fangirl.

"Luna… the war is over… you don't need to take being part of Dumbledore's army that seriously," Hermione commented. "Though out of all the people at school, he defiantly is the one who gave Harry the most trouble."

Luna quickly withdrew her wand and glared at the blond haired boy. Blaze let out a sigh and shook his head. "Why did you have to pick the carriage that the two… I am trying to think of the word…"

"Muggle lovers?" Draco snapped at the boy.

"No, I'm thinking why did you have to pick the carriage that two of the most hot headed girls in school are in… we're lucky that Ginny Weasly isn't here, it would be a catastrophe. Of course, you would be walking with Pansy, as there wouldn't be room for you."

"Just…" Draco said, raising his hand to hit the boy, but then lowering it. "Just shut up, this day gets worse and worse."

_Author's note – You're supposed to pity Pansy… she's having a bad day._


	7. Mud in the Head

**Mud in the Head**

When they got up to the school, they all piled out of the carriages. Hermione hurried out so that no one would notice that she had gotten out of the same carriage as Draco Malfoy. She hurried over to where everyone was sitting and she waited for Harry and Ginny to come up there and for Neville, and possibly Luna to catch up with her.

In fact, Neville and Luna really did catch up with her and stood with her in the crowd waiting to be let in. She wanted to talk about what had happened but, she knew that there was likely at this point a gossip hound around at this point. She waved at Harry and Ginny, only to be disappointed that Ron and Lavender were with them, causing her to frown.

It was then that some giggles were heard from the crowd as Draco came into view with Pansy hot on his heals. The Slytherin girl was covered from head to toe in the mud and had a few scrapes on her. The goons were giggling to themselves, finding the situation to humorous, while Blaze just shook his head.

Professor McGonagall hurried over, concern on her face, "What ever happed child?"

Pansy opened her mouth, probably to blame Hermione, but Crabbe interrupted, chortling as he did so. "Parkinson fell when trying to get into a moving carriage."

"Why did you… never mind, I really don't want to know. You'll probably want to go to your dorm and change… I'll have some food sent up to you," McGonagall said, then turning around to usher them in.

"Draky… I don't want you to sit with her," Pansy was heard to mumble.

"Pansy, we _have _to sit with our houses, even if we are Heads, _don't _worry about it! Seriously, she's a Mudblood," Draco said back, quite so that the Professor wouldn't hear him.

"Why are you being so quite… you don't want her to hear you calling her a Mudblood any more," Pansy stated, causing Draco to hush her and glance at Professor McGonagall.

"No, it's so she…" Draco said, only to be interrupted by the teacher.

"Ms. Parkinson, I know your upset, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But that word is _not_ appropriate for school… don't let me hear you say it ever again," the lady said.

"Yes Professor McGonagall…" Pansy muttered, not to pleased. Some people passing by the girl wanted to know if the Head Girl had put her in her place and were none to kind to the girl. This caused Pansy to quickly turn on her heels and hurry up the stairs so that no one could see her crying; she was embarrassed enough as it was.


	8. It Comes to a Head

**It Comes to a Head**

Hermione was so glad to escape from the Great Hall. Discussion had been livid about certain things, namely who Head Girl and Head Boy were. Lavender wanted now to give Hermione a make over and tips on how to get Draco to pay attention to her. Lavender too believed Pansy's theory. And Ron was snapping at Sean, who thought the theory was funny. Ginny tried giving helpful comments. But Hermione was too depressed. She got to the portrait and said the password, _Chimera_.

There she was surprised to see Emory sitting on one of two silver arm chairs, the couch being gold. She walked up to the bird and took the letter from her mother.

_Dearest Daughter Hermione -_

_How was the train ride to school? I hope it was good. I am definitely so glad you got over your crush on that Ron Weasel boy. I believe his last name was Weasel. Unless he's related to that sweet Ginny Weasly girl you've mentioned. I hope not, as she seems to have brains when using the telly. I can't believe that he actually yelled at me. Thankfully, she didn't._

_Expesully since you've come to age in the Wizarding world and can look forward to things that your peers who aren't of the Wizarding World can't yet. I hope your friend Harry finds out how he'll be able to defeat that false Lord. Hmm ... that Lord sounds much like someone from a book I've read. I can't place it._

_I do hope that your crush on the Head boy works out. You are a very beautiful ... I would like to say girl, but I must say you're a young lady now. _

_- Your loving mother_

Hermione suddenly felt the letter snatched from her hands. She turned to glare into the eyes of a silver headed boy. A grin spread on his face. He had already read the first paragraph. "What, the Mudblood had a crush on the Blood traitor? Your mother even called him a Weasel. And though I don't like any of the Weasels, the girl is not someone to cross."

"You're probably remembering how she cursed you way back, Bat-Boogie Charm I believe," Hermione said, trying to grab the letter out of his hand, before he could read the rest, but he pulled it away.

"Tisk tisk, one might think there is something in this that you don't want me to see. I mean, what could it…" the boy said, pausing suddenly. Granger turned her head, anger written all over her face. She saw that the boy had turned paler then normal. He then stammered out a few words. "I do hope…"

"My mother seems to believe the whole Head hullabaloo, and she doesn't even know the dratted rumors that have been going around the school since we came here."

"Granger, my parents were Heads..." Draco said, suddenly becoming paler. "They don't know who the other Head is yet. He's going to kill me."

"Well, I don't believe in such superstitions. I only mentioned that the Head Boy and Head Girl share a dorm to her because I thought that Ron would be the Head… sadly I was mistaken," Hermione said, scoffing at the boy. "Now give me that letter back!"

"No way Granger… she assumes here that the Head _isn't_ the Weasel! She assumed that before you even came here! Why is that?!" Draco said, some of the color returning to his face, and his turn to look angry.

"Malfoy… you stupid ferret! She assumed it wasn't Ron because he hadn't written and I told her that Harry would have written if he had become Head and she asked if I was sure he hadn't become Head. She didn't listen to the fact that I _thought _Ron was going to be Head Boy!" Hermione said, clicking her fingers, indicating that he should give her the letter.

"Your mother is crazy…" Malfoy said, making a move to hand her back the letter, but as she reached for it, he yanked it back. "I have never been nice to you… I don't know why I thought to be nice this time. And… we need to burn this."

Hermione's eyes suddenly turned livid. "Malfoy! I am not… I am so not… going to burn a letter from my mother! Give it here now!"

"Let's appeal to your sensibility here M… Granger. Let's say someone some how breaks into this room and gets your letter. What's going to happen?" Draco said, only to have Hermione glare at him lividly. He shook his head at her, tisking again. "Look, if it gets out, it will only confirm what isn't true. Pansy… she'll kill both of us… not that I don't mind her killing you, but I don't want her killing me and I _don't _want her to kill you because she thinks that you and I are…"

"An item?" Hermione imputed, the anger evident in her voice.

"How can we be an item? An item is an object that is used," Draco said, confusion in his eyes.

"An item, is a Muggle term for a couple who are together, which we are not," Hermione said. "Of course, I can't use such words around you because you're anti Muggle everything.

"Item…" Draco said, shaking his head. "Only goes to prove how crazy they are! But yes, that is not something I want associated with you and me, ever. Bad enough my father is going to have my hide for this."

"Your not the one who picked the Head positions, it was Dumbledore!" the girl said.

"My father might take that into consideration, but not if my mother gets really upset… he's going to… he's going to really blow up," Draco said.

"Well, at least your mother won't get mad at you… or will she?" Granger said, her eyes narrowing. "I'm going to start counting and you don't want me to reach four. One…"

"She … she's going to get sick and upset…"

"Two…."

"Why did I even tell you that,"

"Three…"

"Granger! Knock it off!" Draco said, not liking the look in her eyes.

"Four… _coloratus liquidus_," Hermione said, aiming her wand at the boy. Draco dodged to the side, still holding the letter in his hand. He heard a large splat, and turned to see a bright, neon blue color splattering the wall.

"What the bloody hell was that," Draco stated, making a weird face, more at the color of the wall.

"A spell I was saving to use on the Weasly twins." Hermione said, tilting her wand up, a look of pleasure on her face. "You can thank Luna Lovegood for that one."

"Lovegood! Loony Lovegood," Draco said, dodging another of that spell. This time it was a neon green splatter. "Only _she_ would thing of such a spell… and these colors too!"

"Actually, the colors are based off of what the user wants… I doubt that Luna's seen these colors… if she had, she'd be wearing them," Hermione said, launching another spell at him and stepping closer. Draco could only shake his head at the neon pink color.

"Where the hell did these colors come from! They aren't natural!" Draco said, dodging a bright blue that had hints of neon to it, and a neon purple splatter.

"One could say their Muggle colors, ones that they used their abilities to use, called science, but then… a Wizard who's so stuck in the Wizarding world wouldn't know these colors." Hermione said, suddenly snatching the letter away. Emory was watching to see if she needed to fly away.

"Again, proving how crazy they are!" Draco said, watching Hermione head up the stairs to where her room was. He started after her to grab the letter. "There is no…"

Suddenly, the stairs suddenly collapsed, sending them both sliding down. Hermione sat next to him, glaring at him. "You are a moron. I would figure that you would have known that the stairs to the girl's dorms are spelled to do this."

"What moron would try to go into a girl's dorm? That's another thing my father would skin me alive for, acting like a perverted old man!" Draco said as Hermione stood up, he shot off the same spell, but she dodged it. A black splatter appeared on the wall.

"Malfoy… I understand why I was using the spell, my goal wasn't to maim or kill you, why is it that your using that one?" Hermione said.

"Because it's useful," Draco said, anger in his eyes. He shot off another black splatter.

"You know, I didn't enjoy how the walls were colored Christmas colors, but can't you do a color other then that?" Hermione mocked, sending another at him.

He aimed one at the owl, but Emory flew out the window. It was a livid blood red. He then retorted, an evil grin on his face, "Be glad that it missed your bird. Hagrid would see it and coddle it to death thinking it really was hurt."

"Shut up Malfoy!" Hermione said, launching one at him, this time hitting the painting that had a picture of a sleeping snake and gryphon in it. The gryphon let out a squawk and the snake hissed in displeasure. They disappeared as the 'color' war continued.

_Author's Note – I was originally going to have Hermione create the spell, but… it seemed more appropriate that Luna did, considering the interest of hers that was revealed in the seventh book, art._


	9. Headmaster

**Headmaster**

Dumbledore was sitting in his office, working on filling out the paperwork that went with being Headmaster of the school. Headmaster Black was trying to look over his shoulder from the portraits to make sure that the newest Headmaster was doing the job right. Typically he would have been sleeping, but something had caught his interest.

"So… are you going to tell me why you have chosen those two specifically for the position of Head," Professor Black asked.

"Let me ask you something… do you believe the rumor that goes around among the students that the two Heads will end up together?" Dumbledore asked, setting down his quill.

"I knew it! You actually believe the blasted rumor! Your trying to cross the pureblood boundaries that are set in place! I tell you, you picked the wrong one to put into Head position, trying to get a Muggle hater into a relationship with a Mudblood!" the painting said, looking smug.

"I never said that I believed it… I was trying to find out if that was what you thought I was trying to do. Also, you know I hate that term. I have to say, what you think I was trying for is in fact not what I am trying for," Dumbledore stated.

"Then… then what are you trying to do!" the other man said, sputtering as he did so.

"Well… my highest goal is for them to become friends," Dumbledore said to the painting.

"Friends… hah! I highly doubt that will ever happen," the man stated.

"Then I hope the boy gains some idea of what a Muggle really is, a human just like us," the current Headmaster stated.

"Well, let me tell you this! Muggles have _never_ come up with anything worth anything," the man said.

"I think Lemon Drops are a great accomplishment… I haven't found a Wizarding candy like it," the man in purple said.

"Lemon… lemon drops! Is all that you can think of is sweets?" the picture ranted at the Headmaster.

"No… I've also knowledge of the advancements that Muggles have made. Did you know they can fly a hundred people from place to place at one time. Oh, and they've been to the moon!"

"The moon is just a ball of cheese! It's way too small to land on," the picture stated.

"Well… that just goes to show how narrow your mind actually is… you know very little and are a very naïve and ignorant man… but then you were always stuck in the Wizarding world, which to many of us are, so it isn't your fault you lack the knowledge of what Muggles are and aren't,"

"You're stuffed with nothing!" the man said, disappearing from the frame. It was then that a Gryphon appeared in a huge painting that was hidden from everybody's view except for the Headmaster or Headmistress when they were at their desk. It gave out a loud squawk of misery and Dumbledore shook his head.

"About time they had a fight, though I didn't expect to have to have Filtch to have to restore you… and perhaps the snake too… oh well, I'll go have Professor McGonagall make them clean up and have them sent for their punishment from the one doling out the punishments.


	10. Head Spin

**Head Spin**

Hermione and Draco found themselves walking into the Headmaster's room to hear the punishment they would be receiving for their behavior. The two sat down in two chairs, before looking at each other. Hermione was the first to speak up. "What is our punishment going to be?"

"I want the two of you to plan a dance where each person's date happens to be from a different house then them."

"Headmaster... have you lost it?" Draco's eyebrow suddenly raised up as he shook his head in disbelief. "Or have you become senile like my father thinks?"

"Quite probably." Hermione muttered under her breath.

"Well, your mother Draco Malfoy does in fact approve. In fact, she suggests that the two of you go with each other. Which makes sense because the two of you are indeed the heads of your house and you do know the legend."

The two suddenly looked at each other before standing up. "Apologies sir, but we shall be taking our leave."

"And no... we won't be planning a dance. Think of a better punishment where we aren't working together. It will keep the school sane." Hermione stated.

The man waved him out and Draco muttered so that only she could hear. "If everyone else isn't going crazy already."


End file.
